Rewinding
by Agent blue rose
Summary: this will always be the part that kills me. looking in their eyes and seeing nothing but blank confusion. Knowing I can never tell them the truth. That I have lived many lives with them. Fighting with them, bleeding with them. dying for them. A reincarnation fic.
1. chapter 1

All is black.

There is a numbness in her form. Then a tingling, and then she simply _is_. A solid weight of something forged from muscle and bones and light. Then comes a familiar weight on her ear and suddenly sparks of electricity are jumping from neuron to neuron and Light saturated blood begins to flow, her heart starts to pulse, lungs flex in and out, pulling in oxyden this body hasn't really needed in eons.

Then comes the awareness that her lids are covering her eyes and that a bright light exists beyond them. A pair of pupils twitch behind lids.

The brain then fully kickstarts and her body convulses at the sudden intake of data and memories so vast that she has to take a moment to let them fully process and settle.

With this data that is both brand new and painfully old comes a sense of weriness and despair.

She had done this before.

She didn't belong here.

She was human.

She also wasn't.

Sensitive new ears picked up the hum of a power core with practiced ease. She had worked on them far too many times to mistake the sound for anything else.

A part of her wants to stay like this, senses semi cut off, completely and blissfully ignorent of when and where she was.

But They are waiting for her. They don't remember of course. They never remember. Only she remembers.

She wishes she didn't. She wishes so desperately and selfishly that she could just _stop_! That the blood in her veins would still and she could go Beyond.

This could not be however. She had a purpose to fulfill. She had to protect Them and in order to do that she had to **wake.up**

Eyelids forced themselves open. Pupils contracted at the sudden barrage of light. Were she less experienced as this, the Beginning, she would have flinched but instead she focused on the false gem on her ear and with a small click it grew warm and her eyes adjusted automatically to the light.

She was a prisoner this time. She'd never been a prisoner of the Empire before. Her ability read code better than any peridot and re-wire a ship without breaking a sweat had always made the Empire consider her useful, if not lower than even a pearl.

She remembered Apricity's warning: _This path will be far more difficult than the others. Your life will not be your own._

There is a cold silver cuff on her wrist, the empire's insignia etched into it. A tracker. These were only ever given to humans who went rogue. A common enough occurrence back in her day. The zoo had been young then, and humans were harvested from earth nearly every other cycle. Caring for the organic beings had not yet been perfected down to a science.

 _Well, back in my first day_. She thought wryly.

The cuffs bit into her wrists. The irritation triggering false data needed to survive in this life.

Footsteps aproached. She looked past the barrier meant to hold her at the short figure beyond.

Soft curls and dark eyes. Even after five lifetimes she had to bite the inside of her cheek to avoid calling out his name in joy.

He did not know her. She was not his big sister in all but blood. Blank eyes stared at her without recognition.

He did not know her. He did not love her.

A sharp pang struck her heart at the thought, though she should have been accustomed to this by now.

"Hello."

A plan and a cover formed in her mind in the span of a second or two.

"They captured you. I saw them. But you escaped?"

He nodded.

"I can get you out too!"

"We don't have time for this!"

Another pang struck her heart as she registered the voice. A small red gem entered her view. This triggered a spark in her memory and suddenly she _knew_!

 _She knew where, or rather_ when _she was._

"We have to find Sapphire!" The short red gem insisted, taking his sleeve and tugging it in the direction of a sound she had not heard before. It was singing and the singer could only be yet another gem who would not know her in this life.

The boy jerked free of the red gem's grip and moved towards her cell.

"Just give me a second."

He stuck his arm into the barrier. Thick yellow veins barraged his bloodstream, attempting to destry a physical form that was not there.

He was lucky to be a natural born half gem. Had she attempted to cross the barrier her blood, saturated with light as it was would have burned and boiled in her veins.

His situation did not seem to be that much more comfortable however so she hastily crawled out of the makeshift barrier.

The boy helped her to her feet and she stretched her brand new/ancient limbs in relief. Small spaces weren't exactly her favorite thing.

"I'm Steven by the way." The boy added as the red gem continued to lead him away.

 _I know. I know and I love you so much it hurts, my beautiful little brother._ "Thanks...Steven." She says as if his name were an unusual one. As if the gem on her ear were real and not merely a prosthetic forged by her own hands. After five Time lines, lying had become effortless.

Ruby, ever the impatient one, growls and resumes tugging Steven in the direction of her love's voice.

She remembers all to well the near magnetic draw those two have and grabs Ruby and Steven, holding them under her arms.

"Hey! What are you-" Ruby's protest is cut off by her 'captor' taking off in a dead sprint down the halls. Where her feet should have met solid ground in order to propell herself, she instead stops her limbs a few inches above the ground. Blue energy pulses under her feet as though they had met an invisible barrier, causing her to run about a foot above the ground.

This, Steven decided, was the strangest form of flying he had ever experienced.

She made a tight turn around the bend of a hallway, pushing off of the wall to prevent from running smack into another. She new this ship like the back of her hand. In one or two lifetimes she had built this ship herself. In another she had been it's pilot.

Hall B cell 4. Waiting, face stoic as ever, hands clasped singing at softly but in a way that carried was yet another old friend.

She set Ruby and Steven down. Steven freed the blue addition to their party who immediately caught sight of her other half.

"Ruby!" She cried in relief.

"Sapphire!"

Their reunion was heartbreakingly sweet. The urg to hug them both was battled down with ease that only came from five lives worth of practice. Oh how she had missed them. She missed everyone. Her time spent Limbo had felt like eons. Eons and Eons spent preparing for her next Timeline in solitude, the only thing driving her was the knowledge of her purpose.

Protect them.

Fight for them.

Die for them.

Again and again and again. Until all the Timelines are secure. Only then will she finally be able to rest in the Beyond.

The two gems hug and kiss and suddenly they are glowing and flying and merging into a single being.

"Garnet?" Steven is of course, confused. Unlike the original timeline where he had known the two eternally in love beings and the third, amazing individual they created all his life, in this Timeline and many others he was ingorant until this fixed point in time.

 _Fixed for now._ One day she would be strong enough to eradicate this moment completely. She would keep them all safe from danger by keeping the danger from happening in the first place.

Garnet greeted Steven looking only a little disappointed that her plans for his birthday were spoiled.

The fusion then turned to her in confusion, no doubt wondering why she was not visible in her future vision despite having met her just now and seeing that she clearly existed.

 _I'm sorry Garnet. Some things aren't safe for you to know._

Suddenly the diamonds engraved on her cuffs flashed brightly. The trackers had gone off and her captors now knew she was on the move.

"Shit!" She slammed her wrists into the wall with such a tremendous amount of force that the cuffs shattered.

It was in vain however. Alarms had gone off and warning lights flashed ominously.

Loud thuds sounded nearby. Jasper was no doubt looking for her now.

Garnet urged Steven to go and find the others, giving him a vision of their locations before cracking her knuckles and facing the large quartz soldier with a slightly deranged grin. No doubt she was looking forward to tearing her to shreds. Jasper always did have a special talent for ticking people off.

She followed Steven to where Pearl and Amethyst were kept. Pearl immediately moved as close as she dared to the entrance.

"Steven!"

"Way to go little man! We are bustin OUT 'o here!"

Steven moved to form an entrance but she tapped him on the shoulder.

"May I suggest an alternative?" Without waiting for a response she slammed her fist into the control panel for the cells. The panel cracked and spurted electricity. The cell barriers glitched and failed.

"That works too I guess." Steven muttered appreciatively before being being tackled by Pearl.

"Oh Steven are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"Pearl...can't...breathe"

Pearl was a little different in this Timeline. Everyone was. Some people were gone. Lacy, she noticed, was nowhere to be found. She had not been around this time to pull her under the cover of Roses shield just before the final strike.

She would need to find her. Unless she was...No. That wasn't an option.

"We need to move." She spoke curtly, well aware that if she changed too much they could very well die.

As if on cue the whole ship lurched.

"This way!" She ordered, taking off in the direction of the cockpit.

"Steven who is that?" She hears Amethyst ask.

 _I'm_ _your best friend Ames. We grew up together._

"I don't know but she was a prisoner just like us. I couldn't just leave her!"

 _Oh Steven. You're too sweet for your own good._

If there were one good thing out of all of this that she had to pick about her fate, it would be watching him grow up all over again. She wishes she could start at the beginning. From the moment he is born and watch as he learns to walk and talk and love unconditionally. Her selfish wishes are hardly priority though. She knows better by now.

Peridot is in the pilot's chair. She knocks her out and tosses her to Amethyst to deal with. She loves Dott, really she does but this cold, calculating gem before her isn't the sweet, enthusiastic, knowledge hungry gem she knows and loves. She has yet to grow and change as she knows she can.

 _S_ _oon_. She promises herself. _Soon._

Pearl takes over the pilot's seat and begins rerouting the ship back to earth and She lets her. Now is not the time to show off. Instead she focuses on readying herself for the inevitable crash.

More quakes and crashes sound and she waits helplessly in a corner for Garnet to arrive with baited breath. She can't go looking for her and it kills her.

All of this kills her just a little bit on the inside.

This will always be the hardest part. Making first contact, building the foundation for a temple of lies she will have to perfect to survive. Looking them in the eyes and pretending she doesn't know a thing about them.

 _They can't know._ She reminds herself. _They can't know. They couldn't handle this sort of information. You're alone. You're on your own._

Garnet arrives and everything falls apart. literally and figuratively. The gems curl up together in a hug, convinced that this is the end and she has to choke down the impulse to join them.

 _They don't you_. She remembers. _They have no memory of you. You don't exist._

And her heart breaks again, just a little, because she hates this part. She hates living and dying again and again, looking into their eyes and seeing nothing more than blank confusion. At least she knows they will love her again with time. And she will always love them.

Always.

The air heats up as they near the surface and Steven forms a bubble around his family.

She curls into a ball and does the same.

Then they collide with the earth and everything goes black.

sssssssssssssssssssss

The world is so quiet it hurts. The silence is pressing in on her. Her limbs have gone stiff. Where is she? Everything is black.

Gravity is not her friend. One moment she feels as if she is balancing on her neck, the next, the pressure moves to her knees, her ankles, her face.

All at once the pressure stops and she relaxes, though the silence is still defening and her muscles are still stiff from the fetel position she can sense that she is in.

 **BANG***

 ***BANG***

 *** BANG***

"ugh..."

Her eyes fly open at the sudden noise. Shapes and colors swim as her optic nerves struggle to recalibrate themselves.

Her ears, far too used to the silence, are ringing at the cacophony of noise.

The figures surrounding her sharpen and she can clearly see Steven, Amethyst and Garnet banging and yelling at the milky white bubble she is curled in.

Hazy memories of her rebirth and the ship crashing return to her along with a less than pleasant headache she is struggling to think through.

She needs to get out, that much is clear.

Uncurling from her fetal position, she pushes weakly at the walls of her protective bubble. The bubble bends slightly at her will but doesn't break.

The gems, noticing her attemps to escape from the bubble, back away to give her space.

Huffing slightly, she pushes harder, and the bubble does break this time. She falls to the ground, gritty sand rustles under her head and the sound of the tide reaches her ears.

A soft, warm hand grabs her by the elbow and gently pulls her into a sitting position.

Soft dark eyes look into her pale grey ones with concern.

 _Steven..._

"Are...are you okay? We found you under a bunch of rubble in your bubble and Garnet wasn't sure if you were hurt or not."

She looks around. Her vision is still hazy around the edges, but she can see the flaming remains of the ship around them, the wary forms of the Crystal gems, uncertain of what to make of her, and the temple in the distance, just as beautiful as she remembers. Though without Luna's influence it looks a little strange, smaller, it's features a little rounder.

She returns her focus to Steven's worried face. _oh how I missed you._

"I-I think I'm okay...I can't..." She blushes, the white light saturated in her blood making it look a good deal paler than an ordinary human's.

She pushes her hair, a powdery white with locks of blue/grey and an impossibly pale pink, away from her left ear so that they can see the smooth grey/white gem embedded there, far too large to be an ordinary earring, but still a tad small for a gem.

She presses her fingers gently against it, checking for cracks.

"Does it look...?"

"I don't see any cracks." He assures her quickly. She relaxes, letting her hair fall back over her gem.

Pearl clears her throat. "I believe we should head inside. Steven and Amethyst will be needing a few hours sleep before we work on clearing out all this rubble."

Amethyst whipped her head in Pearl's direction, face disbelieving. "You're seriously gonna let-"

"I've accepted it's a lost cause at this point" The pale gem confirms dryly.

Steven helps her to her feet. Her uniform, a standard one for pilot's, was scuffed and worn but thankfully not as torn and burnt as her new/old companions.

 _How odd that my appearance says pilot, but my new memories say rogue human._

Steven tugged on her sleeve to catch her attention.

"I almost forgot! What's your name?" The other gems looked at her expectantly, just as curious, if not more, about her as the young halfling.

 _Screw this lifetimes memories. My second life will fit better for this anyways._

"I'm supposed to be Moonstone." Her voice is quieter than she remembers it ever being. Gentle and articulate. How odd.

"But please,"

She looks them all in the eye for a moment before her eyes flick to the temple.

It was good to be home.

"Call me Lilly."

 **sssssssssssssssssssss**

 **And cue the dramatic music!**

 **Bein honest with you guys I'm feelin real pumped about this one!**

 **Hands up if your exited for steven universe to come out of hiatus!**

 **I know I am**

 **-Blue**

 **sssssssssssssssssssss**


	2. Crystalized

The next morning is quiet.

Understandibly quiet considering it was barely dawn.

For Lilly, this was hardy a concern. She wouldn't need to sleep for another month or so really.

So instead she opts to sit out on the porch steps, the blanket Steven had gifted her wraped around her frame. She watches silently as morning dew begins to collect on the damp sand.The wind carries the scent of saltwater from the ocean and she breathes it in.

The moon is still visible in the sky, a pale ghost only just lingering within sight, reminding Lilly of the one person she misses above all others.

 _Luna..._ Her arms are clutched to her chest, gripping tightly within them the first thing she ever owned in all her lives.

She remembers that day vividly:

 _Planet Orian. Sector five. Once bursting with flora, the now long dead planet was a natural hub for a rare gem type: Moonstones._

 _Known for their intelligence, intuition, and their ability to walk the leylines, an intangible energy found in the air that only moonstones could gather to form platforms and slack lines to travel with. Moonstones were technicians, not just the builders of homeworld technology, but the inventors of them._

 _Moonstones were difficult to form, the nutrients needed to form them had to already be in the ground before the minerals were inserted. As a land once saturated in plant life, Orian was ideal._

 _The creation process was dangerous, however. The ground was filled with hard, crystalized fauna. Often, young moonstones had to fight their way past the hardened fossils to emerge._

 _Not a gem type known for their strength, it went without saying that emergence rates were low_.

 _Moonstones were known however, for their stubbornness, and thus insisted on carrying on in their efforts._

 _In the Alpha kindergarten of sector five, peridots milled about, drilling in empty patches of earth and checking newly emerged moonstones for any obvious defects._

 _Overseeing the operation was a small group of senior moonstones, their notorious intuition a boon for sensing whether or not a newling had the strength the emerge. Not nearly as precise as a Sapphire's future vision, but earily similar._

 _Each newling was to be asigned to a senior moonstone upon emergence. They would then train under said senior moonstone for the next three centuries or so until they comepleted their apprenticeship when they would then spend the next few eons working independently unless they decided to remain at their mentors side as a partner or if they wished to take on an apprentice themselves after a few centuries of successful independent work._

 _Sitting in front of a blank patch of earth, was Moonstone 3x9. The very essense of calm radiating from her as she waited for the newling to emerge._

 _"She's late." Moonstone 5x1 stated knowingly while she examined a set of stats on her holo-screen_.

 _"Give her time." 3x9 insisted, not taking her eyes off of the spot where she was certain a new moonstone was going to emerge at any moment._

 _"You've been at this for nearly four rotations now." 5x1 one stated with a touch of exasperation._

 _3x9 just shook her head and continued to wait. "She can make it." She murmured._

 _A minute passed. Then five. Ten, twenty, thirty._

 _Soon the planet's moon rose in the sky, stars emerging to wink down at the busy gems._

 _3x9's attention had begun to wander, her leg had begun to ache from how long she had spent on sitting on them. Her eyes drooped._

 _*Crunch*_

 _3x9's eyes shot open._

 _*Crunch*_

 _*Shift*_

 _Tiny, tentative cracks had started to apear on the surface of the exit spot. specks of dirt fell to the ground at the disturbance._

 _A breath she didn't need caught in her throat. Hesitantly, 3x9 placed a shaky hand on the surface, feeling the restless shifts of the newling pressing against the wall of dirt that contained her._

 _"Come on..." 3x9 pleaded encouragingly. Hope bloomed in her chest._

 _*crunch*_

 _*crunch*_

 _Noticing the activity, a nearby Peridot came over to inspect the area._

 _"Hmm, these statistics say this moonstone is alarmingly late. If I were you I'd be prepared for the possibility of her being too defective to keep." The peridot warned._

 _3x9 didn't dare take her eyes off of the shift "No. She's going to be fine I just know it. She's a fighter I can tell."_

 _Not one to argue with her superiors, the Peridot merely stood patiently to the side and waited for the moonstone to emerge._

 _*Crunch*_

 _*crunch*_

 _*crack!*_

 _The veins widened and something shiny and a pale pink poked out of the entrance hole, but it wasnt a moonstone. It was a large block of crystalized Lillies._

 _Fear gripped 3x9's heart. Had her instincts been wrong? A moonstones intuition was not nearly as accurate as a Sapphire's future vision after all._

 _There was another crunch of hard packed dirt being pushed against before it stopped._

 _3x9 waited for several moments with baited breath before her heart dropped._

 _"No..."_

 _5x1, who had noticed her friend's newling's struggle, placed a comforting hand on her shoulder._

 _"You tried."_

 _"No...no,no, no!"_

 _3x9's struggle was understandible of course. When a moonstone dedicated themselves to something they often ended up getting quite emotionally invested. It was part of what made them such brilliant inventors._ _To loose an apprentice of all things before they even emerged had to be quite painfull._

 _"I...er...apologize for your loss." The peridot spoke awkwardly. As a Peridot the kindergardener couldn't really understand moonstones and their strange, overly emotional habits._

 ** _*Crack!*_**

 ** _*Crash!*_**

 _As suddenly as the newlings efforts had stopped they resumed in the form of a final push of surprising strength and the offending block of crystalized lillies fell out of the entrance and shattered upon their impact on the ground._

 _Crystal coated flowers scattered across the ground as a heaving, dirt covered newling fell face forward out of her hole._

 _3x9 caught the shaking young moonstone in her arms, crying and laughing at the same time with joy and disbdisbelief._

 _"You did it! Oh I knew you could do it!" 3x9 held the newling at arms length, examining her oval shaped face, taking in her grey/blue eyes and the slightly pink tinge in her white skin._

 _5x1 laughed and shook her head in amusement. "It looks as though you were right after all 3x9."_

 _"And she seems to be reasonably healthy as well, for a gem as late as her." The peridot praised as she examined the newling for flaws. "A little on the short side perhaps, but I do think she'll do just fine."_

 _It was true, standing at five foot three, the newling was a far cry from the standerd six feet for moonstones but after a thorough examination the Peridot confirmed that she appeared to have no other obvious disabilities._

 _"Well, none that I can tell anyways." The peridot spoke while updating the newlings status on her holo screen."I'm no expert on how moonstone abilities work. You'll have to test her yourself for that._

 _"She's perfect." 3x9 spoke confidently, a gleam of pride shone in her eyes as she watched the young gem examine one of the crystal coated flowers she had fought her way past in order to make it into this world._

 _"I'm sure she'll make an excellent apprentice." 5x1 confirmed with a small smile._

 _"Moonstone 5x1? You are needed over at exit spot twelve." A Peridot called from several yards away._

 _"That will be me." 5x1 laughed. "I'll leave you two to get aquianted._

 _3x9 nodded farewell and turned back to her new apprentice._

 _"Everything seems to be in order. You two have clearance to leave at any time. I will send my superiors the newling's report within the next rotation. Expect to receive a copy of the report within the next cycle. With that said," Peridot offered the newling a tiny smile. "Welcome to the world Moonstone 12x8."_

 _"T-thank you." The newly christened 12x8 stammered out and 3x9 felt warmth bloom in her chest all over again at the sound of her voice._

 _3x9 stood and took 12x8's hands in her own._

 _Together the pair borded a ship._

 _"It's so good to finally meet you." 3x9 whispered with a maternal smile._

 _"My little Lilly."_

 _"Next coordinates, Pink Diamond's Zoo." The pilot announced as they went into hyperspace._

Lillies eyes drifted open, a ghost of warmth passing through her at the memory of her first life.

"Mom...I miss you." She murmured.

In each and every one of her lifetimes 3x9, or as Lilly had come to call her, Luna, had always been there. The near magnetic draw of the bond between a moonstone and their apprentice always drawing them together no matter what form Lilly was reborn in. To not have her mother in all but blood at her side now was more than little upsetting.

She would to make do though. Lilly was nothing if not resilient and a little separation anxiety certainly wasn't going to cripple her.

Lilly gripped her crystalized namesake, fingers ghosting over the curves and contours of the pale pink petals.

Inside, she could hear Steven mumbling in protest as the light from the slowly lightening sky disturbed his rest. Amethyst too, gave a tiny grumble and rolled over to lay on her stomach, the couch rustling at the movement.

Lilly smiled softly at their antics and stood, folding her blanket neatly and leaving it near the door before walking slowly down the steps, the cool seabreeze blowing her fringe out of her face. Lilly reached back and wound the rest of her hair into a half bun, using her lilly as a pin to secure it the center. For several seconds her hair stayed like this before her fringe came loose from the bun and fell to the sides of her face.

Lilly huffed in annoyance before giving up and continuing down the beach, letting her instincts guide her across the sand to the edge of the water.

Taking a step forwards, she would have walked into the water had she not instinctively reached out to the laylines, the usually invisible energy glowing blue under her feet.

Lilly grinned and breaks into a run, trusting her muscle memory to pull the leyline under her feet and keep her from falling.

Jumping high in the air she pulls the leylines into a slack line and balances expertly on a single foot. She walks across the slackline slowly at first but goes faster and faster until she is running and spinning and jumping across the thin blue line.

Lilly laughs aloud and takes solace in peace this single moment in the quiet of dawn gives her.

 **sssssssssssssssssssss**

 **soo, there's a nice little bit of back story there for you! hope you enjoyed it. i wasn't joking when I said I'm having a lot of fun writing this.**

 **please read and review!**

 **-Blue**

 **sssssssssssssssssssss**


	3. Adjusting

If Lilly had to pick one word to describe reincarnation, it would be...

Exhausting.

Contrary to popular belief, She didn't remember every little detail from every single life.

Thousands and thousands of years, for almost each and every lifetime. Five lifetimes total.

Yeah...No. No way in the stars above did Lilly have the memory capacity to recall every name, every face, every event that ever happened to her in all five of her reincarnations.

That being said, she still had quite a bit crammed into her head, major events, fixed points, priority level names and faces, subconsciously stored data like muscle memory and learned skills...A lot of stuff.

The headaches, she had learned somewhere along in her third life, where monumental.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Lilly glanced up a Steven from where she was slumped over the kitchen counter, a data pad she'd kept stored in her gem clutched in hand. She rubbed her temples in an attempt to alleviate the pain.

"I'm fine, Steven. It's just a little headache."

The young hybrids brow furrowed. "I didn't know gems could get headaches."

Amythest joined them at the counter, a can of soda in hand. "Sure we can. I get one whenever pearl enters the room!"

There was a flash from the warp pad and Lilly felt a sharp stab in her skull. She closed her eyes with groan and gripped her data pad harder. Steven glanced at her in concern.

Meanwhile Pearl and Garnet stepped off the warp pad. Amythest clutched her face dramatically and collapsed on the floor.

"It's back!"

Pearl rolled her eyes. "Get off the floor, Amythest I just swept them last night."

Amythest popped up and sat on the counter. "Ugh, killjoy."

Garnet glanced at Lilly and smirked. "That's not gonna go away anytime soon."

Lilly sighed and set down her data pad. "Ugh. I thought not."

Steven glanced over at the alien device. "What are you working on?"

Lilly shrugged. "Eh, just research, I connect my data pad to this world's 'Network and Comm system, I figured since it's either life on this planet or death, I may as well figure out how it works."

"Why were you on that ship anyways?" Pearl asks, moving towards ththe fridge, most likely to prepare lunch for Steven.

Lilly paused, thinking back to her first life, it had been a while since she'd fallen back on those memories, but they were the ones she remembered best, and anyways, she'd be comm-ing Apricity tonight to work on smoothing over her timeline, so why not.

"I, worked under a pretty strict agate, other moonstones, they don't mind the little flaws that sometimes pop up in certain harvests, but once she found out I was defective, she had me reported. This trip to earth was...something of a final assignment. Stay on the ship and fix whatever breaks, and after that, I'd be dropped off at the nearest recycling facility."

 _"No! No! You can't take her! Please no! Not my apprentice please, not my Lilly!"_

Lilly shut her eyes tightly, as if the action could squeeze out the painful memory, like a stubborn tear pushed out of the duct.

Luna hadn't taken well to having her apprentice sentenced to death, and it had nearly gotten them both killed.

A hand gripped her shoulder. Lilly glanced at it.

"We don' condemn imperfections here. We'll look after you "

Garnet, of course.

 _I wish_ _you could remember all the times you've comforted me before, in my first life, when Luna had turned to Rose quartz, offering her services as an inventor just to protect me._

 _In my second life, when Luna left me on earth in Roses care and returned to Homeworld alone to cover our tracks and make sure no one found us._

 _Both lives then, you looked after me for centuries, I was the only one you were older than, and you never let me forget it. You were my big sister, always there for me, when it was important._

The words were at the tip of her tongue, prompted to spring forth by the warm gem on her shoulder. Ruby...

She could tell them.

That was the painful bit. She had the power to spill her guts at any moment. They'd be mad at first, probably. Hurt that she'd lied and that she willingly died for them again and again.

Or maybe they'd think she was insane. And she'd be forced to laugh it off, say it was some crazy dream or something.

Either way, they'd never look at her the same. And the knowledge of the timelines were dangerous. The things she knew about the universe, the Beyond, the empire, everything, they couldn't handle the knowledge. It was a power that came with a crippling weakness.

This much she knew.

She'd tried telling someone before.

She looked up at Garnet. The millions and millions of words at the tip of her tongue faded into nothing.

"I...thanks."

 ***flashback time***

 _"Fern...I'm sorry._

She'd tried telling someone before...

 _blood everywhere, sinking into the ground, staining her hands. She pressed her hands over the wound, trying to stop the blood._ _A shaky hand stopped her. She looked up, into the eyes of the girl in her arms. Her face was so pale. The wound in her stomach was too deep and she seemed to sense it._

 _"Lilly..."_

 _She fought back a sob._

 _"No."_

 _"Lilly."_

 _"No! Just...hang on. Rose and the others will be back soon she can-"_

 _"I think we both know there isn't enough time for that."_

 _She did sob that time, laying her head to rest on Fern's chest, listening to the fading heartbeat._

 _"I'm sorry. I'm, so, so sorry! If I had just-"_

 _"You couldn't have known they'd find out."_

 _"I'm the only one who can hold them off. I shouldn't have told someone so vulnerable."_

 _"Hey,"_

 _Even in death, that soft smile of her didn't fail to ignite a swooping...something in the pit of her stomach._

 _"I'm a tough girl...managed ta keep up with you..."_ _That earned her a wet laugh_

 _"Yeah, well, an invention like that, s'not hard."_

 _She tapped the gleaming white gem clipped into her ear. Not a real gem, a brilliantly crafted prosthetic, though it looked remarkably like the one Lilly had once had, before this life._

 _Fern must have recognised that look, this wasn't the first time Lilly had mourned the loss of her gem._

 _Being born a human in this, her third life, had taken a toll on her. Not emerging from the ground, and landing into the safe arms of her mentor had been, rattling._

 _She'd found her of course, Luna had joined Roses rebellion in a fit of rage after_ _being denied an apprentice despite all her years of loyal service._

 _So when Lilly, and some other young prodigies from the nearby Village had traveled to their base to offer their services to the fight for earth._

 _Luna had been quite taken with the little human teen who's mind proved to be every bit as brilliant as any moonstone, and Lilly reveled in the presence of Luna whom Lilly's time as a human told her was less of a teacher and more of a mother_.

 _And of course there was Fern. Beautiful, brilliant Fern whose warm grin made her mind go fuzzy and was both crazy and genius enough to create a prosthetic gem that gave her the abilities of a really gem, long lifespan and all._

 _Of course, those aging capabilities weren't helping her now. And and icy feeling in Lilly's gut told her that Fern might be right, and that Rose wouldn't arrive in time._

 _Then there was a click and something cold was pressed into her bloodstained hands._

 _She lifted her head. Placed in her hand was Fern's prosthetic gem._

 _Take it."_

 _"Fern...No. I can't."_

 _A pale, shaking hand lifted to press itself against her cheek._

 _"Take. It." She repeated firmly. " Put it on, and be the moostone you told me all those stories about, the one actually fought in. wars instead of being trapped in camp all the time building gadgets. You can do so much more than you're allowed to do in this life, as a human."_

 _"There was a perk to being human." Lilly whispered._

 _"Oh?"_

 _"I got to meet you."_

 _Fern laughed, which turned into a cough, which turned into harder coughing, globs of blood spurting from her lips. Fern's ragged breathing slowed and her eyes went wide and glassy._ _Soon her breathing stopped and Lilly could swear a flame went out in her eyes._

" _Fern? Fern!"_

 _She shook her companion hard and got only bloodstains in response._

 _"No! Please..."_

Lilly shook her head roughly and stood. The others jumped at the sudden movements.

"um, ugh. I-I'm gonna just...go and get some air..."

Lilly grabbed her data pad and shoved it back into her gem, making a dash for the screen door all the while. She rushed out and let the door slam shut on it's own.

The sky. The Sky was going to crush her, the air was too heavy. She was suffocating.

It was...It was too warm. Why was it so warm?!

Lilly staggered slightly down the steps and made her way around the temple, half running half tripping up the hill.

This wasn't something she had to think about. Her feet knew the way, up the hill, past the lighthouse, coming to rest at the cliff's edge.

Lilly collapsed on the soft grass and let her feet dangle over the edge.

Lilly closed her eyes, breathing hard, allowing the scent of sun warmed grass and honeysuckle to ground her in the present.

Or maybe she was still drifting in the past.

Sitting here, on the cliff above the temple, it wasn't hard to pretend she was back at the beginning, that very first life, where she'd spend her days just laying here in the quiet.

If she kept her eyes closed, she could even imagine that Luna or Garnet or even Rose was sitting there with her, keeping her company in silence, savoring the precious moments of peace before their responsibilities as protectors of earth made themselves known.

It hadn't been as hard back then, their numbers had been larger, with Lacy's muscle and Luna's skills to help balance out the field.

A smirk twitched at the corner of her mouth.

Luna, like all moonstones, was tall and thin, the picture of benevolent grace. Her long, soft grey blue dress and flowing dark grey hair, reminiscent of blue diamond, only added to that picture.

The last thing anyone expected for the gentle gem to wield for a weapon was a giant scythe

Rose certainly hadn't expected it, Lilly recalled, remembering the first time their leader had witnessed Luna draw her scythe. A trio of arrogant quartzes who'd thought pranking the gentle inventor while she was working would be a good idea.

Luna had drawn her weapon faster than they could react and poofed them in a single swing.

Certainly, no one had ever dared to disturb Luna while she was working again.

Lilly sighed and sat up, looking down on the beach in silence.

"Beautiful, is it not?"

Lilly sighed. "Apricity."

The apperation smirked. "What, not happy to see me?"

"I'm tired."

The smile turned sympathetic. "The mortal mind was not meant to live this long."

"And yet, here I am."

"Yes," The goddess agreed, clasping her hands on her lap. "Here you are. Complain though you will, I seem to recall that it was your choice to partake in this quest."

The gem sighed, "Yes, I did."

Apricity gave a hum of acknowledgement.

"I noticed your decision to stray from the chosen default life-story I'd selected."

"Problem?"

She shook her head. "No. The necessary alterations have been made to your past. Would you like me to return your birth form as well?"

Lilly raised a brow. "Is that allowed?"

Apricity laughed. "I am a god, Lillian. Though this task is yours to complete, I am not above offering the necessary tools and assistance."

There was a snap and Lilly felt her blood and bones disintegrate into light. She became more aware of her ear as the prosthetic gem fell off and a solid one took it's place.

"Thanks."

Apricity picked up the contraption and inspected it idly.

"Speaking of assistance," she began casually, "I've considered allowing you a...partner, of sorts, to ensure the completion of your quest."

Lilly glanced up curiously. "You mean like, another time jumper?"

"I did say this timeline would be harder than the others." The goddess stated wryly.

"As I have said before, if I didn't desire you to complete this mission, I wouldn't have given it to you. As it is, I have a great interest in the wellbeing of my creations, and if it is a companion you desire, I will gladly provide it."

"They have to be willing." Was Lilly's immediate response. "You have to tell them exactly what their getting into, but if you can find someone, then...yeah, some help'd be nice."

Apricity nodded. "I'll send them your way as soon as I can."

Lilly smirked, "heh, the goddess of the fourth dimension, pressed for time. "

That earned her a chuckle. "It's not my time I'm keeping up with."

"Touchè."

Apricity handed Fern's prosthetic gem back to Lilly. "You'll be needing this."

And then she was gone.

Lilly sighed and stood, never let it be said that Apricity, goddes of time and dimensions, creator of the Gems, didn't know how to be cryptic.

She took the artificial gem and stored it within her real one before making her way back down to the temple via leyline.

Garnet was waiting for her when she landed on the porch.

She didn't say anything, she didn't have to.

The Crystal gems had only known her for a few days, and though she'd done her best to seem harmless and helpful, (assisting in cleaning up the beach and fixing Steven's TV) it didn't change the fact that she was a Homeworld gem in their eyes who, death sentence or no, could still have some loyalty Homeworld.

That she was a moonstone, skilled in the art of code and metal, made them all the more wary.

After all, what was to stop her from building a comm transmitter and alerting Homeworld to their activity?

They were far more on edge in this timeline than they'd ever been in any of the others.

All it had taken before was a little kindness and her patented puppy dog eyes and they'd softened easily enough, always chalking her behavior up to fact that she was a moonstone.

The stereotype that all moonstones were soft, overly emotional, and extremely sociable, however true to a certain degree, had a knack for working in her favor.

Now though, the Crystal gems were too afraid, to wary to trust anything or anyone from Homeworld.

"There you are! where were you?"

Pearl rushed out the door, having noticed her arrival.

No doubt she and the others thought she'd decided to go rogue or something.

"I-not far I was just..." Lilly pointed up towards the cliff helplessly.

Pearl seemed to relax marginally knowing she hadn't gone far.

"I'm sorry for running off, I just-" Lilly let a huff, feeling her headache come back at full force and the torrent of emotions starting to leak through her barriar.

Moonstones weren't meant to keep their emotions to themselves. They were meant to rely on each other and Lilly was starting to feel the strain.

"I'm just don't know what to _do!_ I'm so used to everything being fine! I miss my mentor and I miss my job and I just thought if-maybe If I just acted like everything was okay it would be. But It's not, this planet-"

Lilly brandished her data pad in the air, and began to pace, ignoring the concerned stairs of Steven and the Gems as her rant began roll faster down the hill of no return.

"-makes no sense!" That was true, actually most of every thing she was saying right now was true. this earth had a different culture, and history than she was used to, and this body, that of a two hundred year old newling apprentice, was more emotional than her old mind knew howl to handle.

"And Luna probably thinks I'm _dead_ and my head hurts and I just-"

Lilly's rapidly speeding tangent was cut off by Garnet grasping her shoulder, effectively silencing the hysterical gem and turning her attention to the fusion.

"Your mentor?"

Oh, so she'd noticed that bit. Ugh, the last thing she needed right now was for the Gems to act like she was some sort of baby. She was young, not helpless.

Unfortunately, her silence was some sort of confirmation for Garnet and she lowered her visor, three multicolored eyes looking at her in concern.

"You're just an apprentice aren't you?"

"No! I-yes but-I just-i've only got a century left before I'm done!"

"A century is still too long to be separated from your mentor." Garnet stated worriedly.

"I'm fine!" Lilly insisted, shaking off Garnet's hand from her shoulder.

"What's an apprentice?" Steven asked, peaking out from behind Ameythest, having been rather startled by the normally calm and gentle moonstones outburst.

"Well Steven," Pearl began, placing a hand on the small of his back. "Most gems come out of the ground knowing everything they need to know about their designated purpose. Moonstones however,"

Pearl glanced at Lilly who was glaring with her arms crossed while Garnet closely inspected her physical form, as though expecting her to collapse from some deadly illness at any moment.

Pearl looked away and went back to her lecture "- are the inventors of almost all of Homeworlds technology, and much of that is something that needs to be taught personally. Because of this, when a moonstone is born, so to speak, they are given a mentor, who looks after their apprentice, or newling as they're sometimes called for roughly three to four centuries until they're ready to function independently."

"Think of Moonstone Mentors as mothers and apprentices as their children."

"Oooh!" Steven said, nodding in understanding.

"So What? Lilly's like a kid?" Amythest asked with a raised brow at the pale gem, who had finally shoved away Garnet's hands and was glaring at her from her perch on the porch railing.

"No!"

"Yes." Corrected Garnet, putting her visor back on. "And much like human children, it's often harmful for the child to be separated from their parents before their ready."

Garnet turned to Lilly. "You've had a bad headache all day haven't you?"

It wasn't a question.

"I'm fine!" Lilly insisted. She threw her hands up in the air.

"I'm a tough gem! A little separation anxiety isn't going to kill me! Stars! Can I go back to being on death toll now?!"

Lilly stormed past the Gems and back into the house. She collapsed onto the couch and grabbed a pillow, screaming into it just a tad dramatically.

Stars, Apricity was right, this timeline was going to be impossible!

She'd forgotten the Gems were such worriers!

Ugh, she hoped the time goddess sent that backup here soon, because she was pretty sure her sanity was at stake.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

 **Haha! yeah, so there's a more childish side of Lilly for you, and a little more timeline lore.**

 **yes, Apricity created the first gems, no, she does not approve of what they've been doing, which is why she recruited Lilly to secure all the timelines where the empire went corrupt and turn them back into good ones through the powers of love!**

 **Or you know, killing all the genuinely evil ones that are doing all the corrupting and manipulation in the first place. /**

 **So yeah there's that, I know, it took me forever to update this, please understand that inspiration comes and goes, and that I'm working on several other stories right now as well as an actual life, outside of the internet that I need to focus on.**

 **This year has been hard on me, especially the last couple of weeks, but I'm doing what I can okay...**

 **But no more of That! Only positive vibes from this point on! I worked really hard on this story, I hope you liked it. Shout to all you supportive folks down in the comments, I actually check up on you guys every couple of weeks and It warms my heart to see new comments and suggestions.**

 **Please read and review,**

 **-Blue.**


	4. tactical retreat

Lilly did not condone thoughtless illegal actions. If the rules were fair, and reasonable, then they should be upheld. End of story.

That being said, forging a fake ID and online documents along with a false bank Acount, however illegal, could easily be condoned with the reasoning that Lilly needed some sort of identity to fall back on if and when Steven inevitably drug her into the overwhelming throes of human society.

And She did mean overwhelming. Honestly, why natural selection had not yet claimed a few million just to help do away with overcrowding was beyond her

Then again, Gaia was known for being terribly sentimental with her creations. All the gods got a sentient species, not every one dwelling in the same universe or reality, but Gaia was stubborn, something that reflected in her species, and so they appeared in nearly every universe.

Why Apricity allowed the goddess of natural life to spread her humans across nearly all of her domain-the multiverse, that is-was beyond her.

It would have made far more sense if it had been Magie, the reigning diety over Magic, whom Apricity doted on constantly. After all, who worked more closely than Magic and the Multiverse? They were a more dynamic pair than taken at face value.

But Magie was far more subtle than that, choosing not to settle her beings on a unique habitat but rather slipping them in among Gaia's humans in a few choice timelines and letting Gaia do the work from there, shaping the planet, sustaining it's life. All that was needed from there was to poke and prod enough to ensure her influence remained.

Magie was crafty and sly, and Lilly did not understand how the other gods overlooked her obvious acts of mischief, but it was far from her place to pretend she understood their politics, no matter how much time she spent walking their plane of existence.

It would be ill advised after all, to offend such powerful beings while walking within their territory.

Lilly was interrupted from her thoughts by a sharp tug at her scalp. She flinched but quickly composed herself. When she had volunteered her long, pale hair to Steven's sudden hairstyling whims she ought to have known what she'd gotten herself into.

Granted Steven was far from unskilled at traditionally feminine hobbies such as this. Far from it, Greg had done well in raising Steven away from human societies obscene habits of Gender-restricting certain activities.

It was ridiculous and Lilly looked fondly back on memories she had of Her and Steven painting each others nails and playing dress up more than once in some long ago life. Lilly sighed and closed her eyes, relaxing somewhat into the soft blanket on Steven's bed.

"Just one more twist aand...There!" Steven twisted a final plastic hair tie into her moondust pale locks before releasing his grip on her hair. Steven then reached past her to grab a handheld mirror from the scattered remains of a box of hair and makeup supplies the young teen had drug out from under his bed.

Steven held out the mirror for her to see and Lilly grinned. Her hair was done up in a similar style to her usual half bun hut now her hair was done up in a braided half bun, with several more tiny braids trailing down her back and a few streaks of her hair dyed a sky blue. Her fringe, once rested in an annoying manner over her eyes, were now pinned back away from her face.

As always, her crystallized namesake was pinned carefully to her half bun, secured tightly enough to ensure it did not come loose unwillingly.

"Do you like it?" Steven asked after a few moments of Lilly examining her new look.

Lilly turned away from the mirror to look at her Once-brother with a soft smile.

"Steven, I love it. Thank you."

Steven grinned right back at her and caught her off guard by catching her in a hug.

"It must be hard for you." Steven told her in a quiet voice. "Being stuck here with us here on earth, without your mentor and your other moonstones friends. Pearl told me more about your gem type. You moonstones are all really close weren't you?"

Lilly swallowed an unexpected lump of emotion clogged in her throat. By the gods this kid really knew how to get her waterworks flowing!

"Yeah, yeah we were pretty close, and I do miss them. But I'll fine so long as I'm around other people. We're like that you know, moonstones are always seeking out other gems. It keeps us stable on a mental level."

Lilly gave a wet chuckle "Heh, it's probably because of how we're formed. Moonstones are inventors. It's a field that's always changing, shifting, evolving. The equipment is always being changed, replaced or removed. Nothing is ever the same long enough for us to just be programmed with instructions on how to do our jobs."

Lilly paused and took a calming breath. Steven stares up at her with big eyes, always eager to learn more about the world his mother came from.

"So, instead we're made to learn and to be curious. I think, because of that, we feel like, we need to be surrounded by other people, because no matter how hard the authority tries, we are all different. And When you are surrounded by other gems you are always learning more about them, and about yourself, and you change them and they change you."

"People change people!" Steven shouted excitedly, a grin on his face and stars in his eyes. Always so eager, by the gods it was a shame this kid didn't go to school. because he would thrive there.

Lilly laughed, tears gone now in the wake of Steven's constant cheer. "Yeah I guess you're right, Steven. People change people."

Lilly looked out the window at the ocean, listing to the distant crash of the waves onto the shore.

"And I suppose..." She said softly. "Earth really isn't so terrible a place to be. It's kind of, familiar, in a way. Humans aren't as different from us as we insist. Not really."

Familiar indeed. What would Fern say if she could see the world in this modern era? She was so wild and inquisitive. Lily doubted she'd be able to stop her from dashing about, insisting that she see everything!

Or maybe she'd be horrified at what had been done to the planet by her own kind.

Lily disapproved as well, but sometimes she couldn't helo but feel as though it wasn't her place to make such judgements. This wasn't _her_ planet after all. It didn't matter how many lives she'd lived, or where she'd been born in them. She knew who and what she was, and neither gave her any right to earth.

She was an invader, all of them. She wasn't supposed to be here.

But she'd die if she left. And Apricity would send her right back to where she'd started. Because Lily had signed up for this, and there were no escape clauses in consensual contracts with gods.

The Warp pad lit up and a wet trio of Crystal gems padded off.

Steven gasped and scrambled off the bed and down the stairs to greet them.

"Hey guys! did you make any progress looking for Mallachite?"

Pearl sighed and knelt down to lay a gentle hand on his hair, smoothing it down slightly. "No, Steven. Not today."

Garnet stepped forward and tapped his nose playfully. "I'm sure we'll get a little luckier tomorrow."

"Oh." They had been saying things along the lines of this for several days.

"Try working your way towards the Pacific." Lilly spoke vaguely, giving no explanation as she made her way down the stairs, Data pad in hand as it often was every spare moment the pale blue gem got. Lilly made to sit on the couch but paused, before deciding she'd had enough sitting around and instead chose to stand, scrolling through the latest earthen news feeds, curious as ever about the happenings on the great blue planet she resided on.

Amethyst noticed the change in her appearance first and gave an impressed whistle.

"Dude! Sweet streaks!" The purple gems sprung forwards to tug at a lock of blue streaked hair. Her hands drifted uncomfortably close to her precious crystal lily causing her to jerk away slightly, hand drifting to her namesake to ensure it had not been tugged loose.

"Steven did it." Lilly explained calmly. "He insisted that I do something other than my research" Lilly gestured to her data pad " all day so he asked if he could play with my hair."

Lilly smiled slightly, unable to resist the warmth that bloomed within her gem at being in the presence of other gems. A social gem type indeed. No matter how old she was within the depths of her mind and memory, she would always seek out the company of others.

Amythest smirks at her words and turns to Steven to give him a noogie. "Not bad for a little nerd! Sweet skills Steven!"

"Amethyst! Let me go!" The young gem manages to giggle out before being rescued by Lilly, who gently pulls him out of Amethyst's grasp, and placing him softly on the floor.

Steven gave her a grateful smile before turning the conversation back to her earlier words.

"So you think Jasper and Lapis are somewhere out in the Pacific? How come?"

Lilly shrugged and switched tabs on her data pad. There were a few articles and web journals on biochemistry that should keep her overactive mind occupied for a few hours...hopefully.

Her minds ability to run at a hundred miles per minute could be terribly annoying at times. It could be so hard to find good intectual entertainment. What she really needed was work...

"Intuition." She said simply. "Sometimes I just...know things. Not nearly as reliable as a sapphire's future vision, but it's saved my kind from a fair few lab accidents."

It was equally useful in battle. But as far as the gems were aware, she'd never been within five thousand miles of a battlefield, and Steven hardly needed to think about such things. Not yet. Not for a few years if she could help it.

Speaking of which...there was an itch at the back of her mind that called for attention. Her hands twitched and she felt the holographic hairs at the back of her neck prick.

Lily snapped her holopad off and twisted her head around. A strange sort of static shivered through her spine and selttled in the pit of her stomach, burning and writhing until it settled into a heavy ball of lead that dragged her down down down into the earth, sinking into sand then dirt clay stonehotburningscreamscan'tbreathnonononono-

"LILY!"

she hadn't known she was hyperventilating until her false lungs simply ceased all movement and her head become dizzy from the sudden change.

Two hands squeezed her shoulders shoulders, a pair of gems bit into the soft mass, dragging her up from the suffocating molten depths of the botter darkness. Still however, did the leaden ball of wrongness do it's very best to drag her back down with every breath her body, still to used to being flesh and blood, fought to suck in.

"I-" Lilly stumbled away from Garnets touch only to find the biting waves of another gems magic were the only thing keeping the awful assault on her senses at bay. This time when the...vision for lack of better word tried to drag her back down, her legs gave out, knees slamming hard onto the ground.

Garnet, still only inches away, grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her up, gently into her lap, Sapphire's gem drifting across her brow, pushing her hair way from her face, before sliding down to her ear. Long, precise fingers pressed against her gem, sliding over the smooth surface to check for cracks or fractures.

"Lily?"

"Som-somethings wrong! It's coming it-something going to happen and its not-a bit not good."

Lily closed her eyes and went slack in an attempt to alleviate the oncoming headache.

ugh, she had been getting a lot of these lately.

Gods damn this timeline.

Then the shriek of static sounded and the Television lit up. The figure that appeared on it caused a groan to escape the dimension traveling moonstone.

"ugh! Peridot!" Lily shook her head, wincing as she did so. "Not now." She muttered under her breath.

Specks of black were starting to dot her vision but she paid it no mind as she stood, shoving Garnet's worried grasp away and smoothing back her now ruined hair. The pretty streaks remained but her bun had come loose and the braids were starting to come loose from the plastic ties that bound them.

Annoyingly, her fringe had also gone back to pricking at her eyelashes and obscuring her vision.

if only she were a little better at shifting. She would grow the stupid things out long enough to tie back!

Note to self, take time to study gem magic outside of combat techniques when the opportunity arises.

The white noise turned into real, comprehensible sound and Lily's head turned at the realization that someone was tugging her hand, trying to guide her somewhere.

"Lily? C'mon, we're gonna go the Communication hub to try and stop Peridot!"

Lily made it a few steps towards the warp pad before the pounding in her head strengthened to an intensity that downed out her very thoughts. The black spots in her vision grew brighter, ringed in white and she felt dizzy.

Suddenly the world pitched and dimly, the slightly overcooked moonstone was aware that she had fallen, if the smooth wood under her cheek was anything to go by.

Someone was screaming. Wait...that...might have been her, but the yelling certainly wasn't. Nor was the rather annoying prodding at her gem, tugging and touching gently, as though she'd crumble into mere shards at any second.

That was...Pearl, surprisingly. The slender fingers were too cool and rough to be Garnet's, as the fusion's habbit of wearing an extra protective layer of light in the form of gloves prevented her from gaining any calluses over the centuries.

Pearl on the other hand, was far rougher inside and out than many gave her credit for. Her limbs were strong with learned strength earned from centuries of fighting and training and her hands, though slender, were covered in rough calluses as only a mechanic and a skilled swordswoman could have.

The amount of fussing over Lily was on the receiving end of was weird though, She though dimly through the pain. She hadn't thought Pearl like her very much in this timeline.

Indeed, in any timeline they'd never really been too close. Kind words and a shared adoration of Steveb and his big, innocent eyes, nothing more really. During the rebellion Lily had rarely crossed paths with Luna, shaken by all the exposure to violence and shardshed, kept her close, and the renegade pearl rarely wandering away from Rose's side and speaking to very few outside of new recruits who needed to have any lingering prejudices beaten out of them by way of rather brutal sparring sessions, and of course, Garnet, who was almost as constant a companion to Rose quartz as Pearl. Though Garnet tended to wander away more often than the renegade pearl, eager to try and seek out new companions and, as many often did, to squeal internally (for the most part) at the sharp, disterbingly regal moonstone and her tiny newling apprentice, whose gem still shone smooth and shiny with a coat of gel-like protective minerals.

Ugh, being little already sucked without being young! Being both just...made everyone coddle her! which she hated, especially now that she had so many memories that told her she was, in fact, technically even more ancient than white diamond herself.

Now though, Lily didn't think she'd mind a little coddling. What with the pain pounding away at her head and the worried voices and proddings at her gem-

Her gem!

" 'm s'rry" Lily mumbled out, searching for the little niche at the back of her mind that all gems had, like a tiny escape hatch that led straight into their-Yes! there it was!

With a flash of white Lily's physical form vanished as she retreated into her gem to recover from whatever wicked force that was causing her intuition to go haywire.

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Steven sighed, resting his chin in his hands as he continued to watch over the pale dusky blue-white gem that rested on his bed, placed carefully in a nest of blankets.

It had been nearly a week since what had been dubbed 'the sardonyx incident' at he communications hub and Lily had yet to emerge from her gem.

initially, Garnet and the others had been concerned, as they didn't know the couse of her illness outside of the fact that she'd obviously been suffering some kind of headache or migraine. Garnet had worried that this was some sort of terrible side effect of Lily's separation grom her mentor and that it was a sign of her mental and physical deterioration but all theories and speculation about the young gem ended once Pearl's betrayal of Garnet's trust had been discovered.

Indeed, it seemed as though Lily had been forgotten completely in favor of the toxic atmosphere. Even Amethyst no longer bothered to check up on her.

It seemed as though steven was the only one who remembered that the little scientist even existed.

"At least you're not on your holo pad all the time anymore. Dad says too much time on electronics is bad for you." Steven tried to joke but it fell flat. All this tension and animosity was killing him.

"Ugh! I don't care if you're on your holo every minute of every day! I just wish you were here."

No doubt the moonstone would hate this terrible situation just as much as him, if not more.

Steven still remembered what had happened a few weeks ago, when Pearl and Amethyst had gone and had another one of their fights.

It had started with Amerhyst being lazy, as it often did. The kindergarten gem had refused to do her part of the chore wheel, which had led to jabs at her inability to take responsibility to herself, which led to jabs Pearl for being too uptight, which led to even nastier remarks about Amethyst being reckless, which escalated into yet another full scale shouting match between the two.

Steven, being far too used to such fights between the two to bat an eye, had simply settled more comfortably on the couch where he and Lily had been playing checkers (which he would eventually win, though Steven suspected Lily hadn't really been trying to beat him in the first place) and prepared to wait out thethe fight as he had so many others.

Lily, on the other hand, had gone stiff. Hands frozen over the peice she had been about to move once the insults started to get worse. As the voice raise she began to pale (well, more than she already was) noticably and start edging away from the pair. The moment however, that it became fullscale shouting, Lily bolted out the door, eyes sqeezed shut, lookingas though she was going to be sick.

Steven had cast a single glance back at the quarreling pair, who had either ignored simply not noticed the slender gem's escape, before following his new friend outside, where he found her on the wooden staircase that led down the beach, where she was leaning over the railing, breathing deeply as though she was trying not to throw up the pizza rolls steven had convinced her to eat a few hours ago.

"Lily? Are you...are you gonna be okay? you don't look so good."

The reasuring smile that Lily attempted fell flat in Steven's eyes as she rested her head on the rail.

"I'll be fine steven, I just, don't like it when people fight is all. I...don't usually mind little argument or anything but those two-"

The yelling escalated so that it could be outside. Lily groaned and rubbed angerly at her gem. She shuffled down the the staircase in an attempt to escape the noise without wandering too far from the temple.

"Aagh! I can feel the anger rolling off of them all the way from over here! It makes me feel sick."

"You can feel their emotions?"

"Only the really strong ones. And some of the really warm ones. Those are nice..."

"...Oh. That's kinda cool I guess. Not right now...but it's still really cool!"

That got a chuckle out of her. A little bit of color returned to her face and she relaxed a little. "I suppose. I forget that this must all be new to you. You're still only one foot in the door when it comes to gem culture. It's all I've ever really known. I wonder how it'll feel when you've stepped fully into our world."

"I'm still half human. That'll always be a part of me. Earth will always be a part of me!"

Lily hummed in acknowledgment. "We shall see. But it's far easier to lose yourself than you think."

Steven didn't know what to say to that so the pair simply lapsed into silence. Back in the house, Pearl and Amethyst seemed to be finally winding down. The shouts were harder to hear now and Lily looked less like she'd throw up at any second.

In the end the fighting died down competely and the pair retired to their rooms for the night.

Steven led Lily back into the house and the pair finished their game in silence. Though this sulence was far less tense and contemplative so much as it was lazy and comfortable in a way that settled into your chest and shoulders, dragging one close to sleep in it's warmth.

Looking back at that particular memory, Steven thought that perhaps it was best that Lily wasn't here because if she had reacted badly to that one fight between Amethyst and Pearl then he hated to think of what this absolutely suffocating atmosphere would do to Lily.

A mental image of his long haired friend curled up in a fetal position, eyes closed and shivering, one hand clutched to her chest as she did whenever she slept at Steven's behest, the other wrapped around her stomach. Face a sickening shade of white while Pearl and Garnet fought somewhere in the background...the thought made Steven shudder and hold Lily's gem close to his chest.

Lily was...strange. She could be sharp and sarcastic, holding herself at a distance from the others. But it was an action akin to running. Eventually she'd trip and would be as if she'd melted, all warm, kind eyes and bubbly laughter that spilled from her easily.

One moment she was quiet and calculating, all flying hands across her beloved holopad, the next she was flying across the beach, hair flying as she danced over the ocean on a leyline to a song no one else could hear.

She didn't seem to like being alone though. Moonstones were social gems, Steven remembered. They needed to be around others. He giggled a little at the thought of a dozen or so identical versions of Lily all curled up in a gigantic dog pile of sleeping gems, all hugging and squealing and babbling 'Science! science! science!' that entered his head.

Okay so maybe that wasn't the most realistic depiction of moonstones, but Lily was still pretty social for all her reserves. She was always close by, sitting somewhere she could soak up the white noise of conversation or, if they were all here, join in herself. The more people she surrounded herself with, the happier she seemed.

It made Steven wonder what her life was like on homeworld. Had she been happy before she'd been sent off on her 'final assignment'? maybe she'd had a nice big lab filled with other moonstones where they all did science stuff and hugged. Lily liked hugs. So did Steven.

Ugh. the temple was way too quiet today. Pearl was away, probably trying to find peridot on her own, and Garnet was in her room, probably still raging mad about the whole thing. Amethyst...Steven wasn't sure. Probably she was at Vidalia's househouse. She'd been visiting her old friend a lot lately.

Hang on, friends! He should go visit connie! And maybe Lily would Reform while they were over there and she would finally meet Connie!

Excited for the first time in what felt like ages, Steven grabbed his cheeseburger backpack and stuffed a few snacks, a deck of cards, his phone,and after a moment of hesitation, Steven carefully picked up Lily's crystalized flower, which he had kept safe on the shelf above his head, and stored it gently in the front pouch by itself, so that it would not be harmed.

Last but not least Steven place Lily's gem in the side pouch of his backpack and race down the stairs with it secured on his back.

Maybe things were going to get better after all.

 **sssssssssssssssssssss**

So! Lily missed the whole Sardonyx incident. But really I did this because lily doesn't really sleep at night so she would have caught pearl sneaking out of the temple and could've talked pearl out of making a stupid decision and to talk to Garnet instead.

I'm sorry but Lily's peacekeeping skills and doe like eyes are far too powerfull for the crystal gems!

on that note im not entirely sure i did my best with this chapter. Im trying but finals are coming up and im up to my chin in homework!

shout out to all my fellow slaves to the education system and i wish you all the best.

for now though, i bid you farewell until the next update!

see ya

-blue


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